4:52 pm ; I have to go away, I have to run as far as possible; the office is too small, every single noise is   driving me crazy; the hand started shaking, and  I feel the unstoppable need to break something and to scream ;   I should go home, at least there I can break everything; I know that  it will be even worse home, but at least there is the cold shower; and I can cry there ! The pressure inside the head is increasing as well ; I can't think clearly anymore ; Unbelievable,  all these just because of cigarettes!!!  I don't know how it will end , but I don't want to smoke, that's what I know for sure ; I'll break a hand , the head , anything else, but I don't want to smoke. I am out of here; one hour with the bike on the fields should calm me down a bit;