Here I go again ...

It has been a while since I wrote on this blog.  The  weather  outside (cloudy and raining) is perfect for this task. So,  to get directly to the point, I am smoking again. After two months of being clean, I started again.  It happened on one hot summer night while I was in holiday in Romania.  I received a phone call from Germany which  kind of changed my life. One guy was explaining me in german  that my brother tried to commit suicide by jumping into the Rhine  and that I should come to the hospital. The world stopped, my mind stopped. Couldn't think at all, my mind was not working. I asked the friend which was with me to buy cigarettes. I tried really hard to smoke the first cigarette. It was more than horrible. Finished the first, lighted the second one. After smoking like 5 cigarettes, I could finally think. Since that night I am smoking again more than one pack per day. I was so ashamed about it that  in the institute I was always hiding for smoking. It  was worse than in high school. I felt bad to meet with the people that were so proud when I finally kicked out this bad habit.  This situation went on  for more than  one month.  One month of feeling bad after each cigarette I was smoking, which was just turning in the need to smoke more. It was a runaway process. I was getting more and more depressed that I will never be able to quit again.
Until this Friday, when I got to see some hope. The same friends which helped me first time quitting  took attitude again. Here is the result :

So from August 1, I won't have any cigarette anymore. I already know what to expect, so shouldn't be as hard as the first time, right?  And I should be stronger now,  theoretically at least.
   I am really really sorry to have disappointed everyone who believed in me last time.   I could  blame it on the life's challenge I had to face, but deep down I know it was a test that I failed.  Bad things are always happening,  that's not a reason to be weak.
         Anyhow, now, after all this time, I finally have hope again! And, lately, I realized that hope is a damn important thing in life!